Never the same
by Galaya
Summary: Merlin gets wounded in a fight, leaving him with an injury that won't ever heal fully. Now he has to learn to get by with what he has.
1. Chapter 1

**Never the Same, but Life Always Goes On**

Galaya

**Here's my fourth story. Don't know where the idea came from, but I liked it. I have a strange liking for injuring characters.**

"We really should be careful," Merlin warned.

"That's what you _always_ say, _Mer_lin!" Arthur laughed.

"And you never listen."

"True. Come on, we're just hunting a couple bandits. Surely, even_ you_ aren't afraid?"

"You always ignore me, even when I turn out to be right."

"Don't be such a _girl_, Merlin!"

"Prat."

The two went on like that for quite some time, only stopping when the first signs of the bandits appeared. Arthur climbed off his horse to inspect a pair of tracks. He held up his hand to signal to wait.

Crouching low, he made his way over to a small cliff about a hundred meters away. The others soon cleared of their horses and followed suite.

The bandits had a comp just a little ways off from the base of the cliff. They had already prepared for the night, leaving a scrawny looking man to stand guard.

"Fan out. Move in on my signal," Arthur hissed.

The Knights began to disperse into the trees. Merlin stayed right behind Arthur.

Arthur waited for a couple moments, and then yelled, "Now!"

There sentry looked up, drawing a short sword. One of the Knights came up from behind him and slipped a sword into his back. The man didn't even scream; he was dead before he hit the ground.

The battle went out from there. Merlin tried to get on the edge of the fight where he could use his magic. A large bandit attacked him.

"Can't you attack someone your own size, or do you go after the weaker ones?" Merlin taunted, very irritated.

"Yarrrr!" was the response.

The bandit tried to cleave Merlin's head, but Merlin was quicker and managed to dodge the blade. Unfortunately, it cut above his right eye. His vision in his right eye began to swirl red.

"Is that the best you can do?" the warlock spat.

This time, the answer was a powerful kick to his ribcage. Merlin heard a crack and knew a rib had been broken.

Mind numb with pain, his eyes flashed gold. The bandit fell onto his sword, killing him.

The fight raged on for a while longer, but the Knights soon bested the bandits.

"Well, it's about time we headed back, I say," Arthur panted.

"I'm with you," Gwaine agreed.

"Merlin, grab the horses and gather our provisions."

"I… always … get landed with… the donkey work… don't I?" Merlin gasped. He was having trouble breathing because of his broken rib. The others believed he was just worn out.

As Merlin left to do his job, the Knights checked themselves for injury. Gwaine had a large gash on his arm and Elyan had gotten hit on the head fairly hard, but nothing too serious.

"Merlin, it's time to leave," Arthur said.

"Just give me a moment," the warlock groaned. He was on his feet, although in a daze. Merlin began to follow his companions while carrying all of the provisions.

The Knights were already in a festive mood. Merlin was very quiet, but no one took any notice.

That is, until there was a thud behind them.

"Come on, _Mer_lin! Don't go dropping all of our supplies!" Arthur scolded without looking. "Merlin?"

Turning, the young king saw a still form lying on the ground.

**So, how'd I do? Please review!**


	2. Chapter 2

**_Never the Same_**

Galaya

The knights dashed over to their fallen friend. They rolled him over. There was a large gash above his right eye and blood tricked down his eyelid.

"We should have checked him for injuries!" Gwaine growled.

"His breathing is irregular," Leon noted, worried.

They lifted his tunic up, revealing the bruising on Merlin's ribs.

"That's not good," Elyan said.

"No," agreed Arthur. "Merlin, you just have to get injured(!)"

Percival picked the injured warlock up whilst Gwaine rushed ahead and retrieved Merlin's horse. When Percival reached the horse, he draped Merlin over the saddle, careful not to place him on his injured side. The knights then mounted their own horses, with Gwaine leading Merlin's.

Gwen watched as the knights rode into Camelot. Something was wrong. Gwaine was towards the end of the group followed by… _Merlin_! Merlin was hurt. She quickly turned away from the window and raced to the courtyard.

"Arthur! Is Merlin alright?" she called when she got close enough.

"We don't know. Not yet," he replied.

"We need to get him to Gaius. Perhaps you could warn Gaius?" Gwaine suggested.

The Queen nodded. She spun around and darted towards the court physician's chambers.

"Gaius!" Gwen exclaimed upon entering.

"What is it?" the physician replied.

"They're back, but Merlin's hurt!"

"Help me clear off a table."

Together they cleared off one of Gaius's work tables just as the knights burst in with Merlin. Percival lay the young warlock down gently and withdrew from the room. Elyan and Leon followed close behind. Arthur and Gwaine stayed.

"Gwen, can you get me a wet cloth and some bandages?" the physician asked.

Gaius pulled Merlin's tunic off. His left side was heavily bruised. That's not what drew Gwaine, Arthur, and Gwen's attention, though. There was a large, white scar in the middle of Merlin's chest.

"Oh my!" Gwen gasped.

"The bruising could be worse," Gaius assured her.

"No, it's not that. How on Earth did Merlin get _that_?"

"Oh. He accidentally burnt himself a couple years ago."

"Gaius, that's no accident. It looks as though someone tried to kill him," Gwaine denied.

"Apparently, he fell into a fire back in Ealdor," the physician lied.

"I wouldn't put it past him," Arthur scoffed.

Gaius rubbed a salve onto Merlin's injured side and wrapped it up.

"He has a cracked rib," he informed the other three.

"Ow!" the Queen winced, feeling sorry for her friend.

"We should clean out his eye, too," the physician said.

Gaius touched Merlin's eyelid and open the warlock's eye. Blood was mixed with the teary liquid on his eye.

"Ugh!" Gwen exclaimed.

Gaius scowled and slowly poured a small stream of water onto his ward's eye.

Merlin groaned in pain.

"I'm sorry, Merlin," Gaius muttered. " You three may want to leave. This isn't going to be a pretty sight."

Arthur nodded.

"Come on, we're not going to be able to do anything for Merlin right now," he said.

The three of them exited reluctantly. They were all very close to Merlin and wished to stay with their friend. Gwaine and Arthur were feeling guilty about not realizing Merlin was injured before he had collapsed. Gwen was terrified for him and slightly grossed out by the state of his eye.

Later that evening, Merlin woke up. He was still on the table. Gaius was mixing more salve for bruises.

"Gaius?" he croaked.

"Merlin. Good, you're awake. How do you feel?"

"Like someone smashed my side, split my head open, and sliced my eye."

"You have a cracked rib, a gash over your right eye, and your eye _is_ sliced slightly."

"Oh."

"Can you open your eyes?"

Merlin's eyes slowly slid open. He looked confused.

"What's wrong?" Gaius questioned.

"My left eye's fine, but I can't see anything out of my right," Merlin answered, voice hoarse.

Gaius sighed sadly. "I was afraid of that. You may have lost the use of your eye."

**Finally I got around to updating! Yea! I'm getting more into the actual story now, but it may be a while until I update again as I'm still coming up with the storyline.**

**Reviews?**


	3. Chapter 3

**_Never the Same_**

Galaya

The next morning, Arthur, Gwen, the knights, and the council were in the council room listening to a farmer complain about bandits on the Eastern border.

"They raided our homes and stole our food and valuables!" the farmer was saying.

"Sounds like what bandits do(!)" Gwaine muttered sarcastically.

"Thank you for bringing this information to me. We will gladly help. What is your name?" Arthur said.

"Johnathon, milord," Johnathon introduced himself, bowing.

"Merlin…" Arthur trailed off, remembering where his servant was. "Er… Gwaine, prepare the horses." –

Around an hour later, the knights and the King were mounted on their horses, ready to set out. The Queen stood by Arthur's horse.

"Take care of yourselves. Having Merlin injured is enough stress and worry," she told him.

"We will. On the subject of Merlin, make sure he recovers, will you?" Arthur requested.

"Of course. He's my friend, too. But, please, be careful."

"We'll bring the princess home safe and sound, don't you worry," Gwaine assured her.

"Gwaine," growled Arthur warningly.

"Come on!" the knight called back.

Gwen watched them depart. Deciding that she had nothing better to do, she went to go check on Merlin. Gwen was very anxious about seeing her friend; he was injured and she didn't know for sure how badly. For all she knew, Merlin could have died in the night.

Upon entering the court physician's chambers, she found Gaius mixing liquids over a small, controlled flame.

"Gaius?" she called.

"Ah, Gwen. Are you here to see Merlin?" he replied.

"Yes. How is he?"

"As good as can be expected. He's taken it quite calmly."

That statement scared the Queen.

"Taken _what_ quite calmly?" Gwen asked warily.

The elderly physician sighed. "The injuries weren't limited to his rib and the gash."

Gwen's blood ran cold in fear for her friend.

"The bandit's blade also dug into his eye," Gaius continued. "That combined with the blood that covered his eye damaged his eye greatly."

"At least he won't die," Gwen sighed in relief. "Will he recover?"

"The wounds themselves will heal, but the damage is already done. Merlin has, I believe, forever lost the use of his right eye. He's half-blind."

Gwen took a sharp breath of air. Merlin wasn't going to die, but he was half-blind!

"Oh, Merlin," she breathed. "Can… can I go see him?"

"Yes. I think it might do him good to see you. He's taking it calmly, but not well. He's terrified that his life will change drastically. It would be best to try and keep things as normal as possible. Here, will you take this to him? It's for his eye."

"Sure."

Gaius handed her a small, narrow vial filled with a clear liquid. Gwen took it and headed up to Merlin's room.

When she opened the door, she found Merlin lying on his uninjured side with his eyes closed.

"Hello, Gwen," he greeted her without opening his eyes.

"How'd you know it was me?" she inquired.

"I heard you and Gaius talking."

"Oh."

Merlin opened his eyes and looked at her. His left eye was as clear and bright as normal, but his right one had a very light pink tinted mistiness to it. At the sight of his blind eye, Gwen looked away. She didn't think he would appreciate it being stared at.

Merlin sighed sadly.

"It's alright if you stare. It's better than you not even looking at me," he said.

"Sorry. I'm just…" she trailed off.

"You're uncomfortable."

"Yes. It hurts to see you like this."

"At least you're not the half-blind one. Camelot can survive with a half-blind servant, but not a half-blind Queen."

Gwen smiled at Merlin's lame attempt at a joke.

"Er… here. Gaius said it was for your eye," she said, holding out the vial, careful to keep her gaze on him.

"Thanks," he replied. "It does hurt a bit."

Merlin carefully rolled onto his back and slid into a sitting position. Tilting his head back, he let the painkiller in the vial drip onto his blind eye. Gwen wanted nothing more than to help, especially when Merlin winced in pain.

After a minute, he stopped and set the half-full vial on a small table by his bed. Then, Merlin turned his head towards Gwen. Her heart wrenched as she saw her friend's tired and sad expression.

"I'm so sorry, Merlin," she said.

"For what?" he queried.

"You're half-blind. You don't deserve it."

"That's not entirely true."

"What do you mean?"

"Nothing."

Gwen decided not to press her friend. Merlin was already going through enough.

"Thank you, Gwen," Merlin spoke suddenly.

"What for?" she questioned, surprised.

"For coming to see me. And for so many other things. Arthur was wise to choose you as his Queen."

She didn't know what to say. His words confused her. Merlin's wiser si8de didn't come out often. But when it did, his words usually didn't make much sense until afterwards. Sometimes they never figured out what he meant, or there seemed to be a double meaning, and no one could guess the second one. Merlin was one of the strangest people Gwen had ever met. Even Arthur had admitted that he wondered if he'd ever understand Merlin.

"Will you stay for a while?" Merlin yawned.

"Of course. You're one of my closest friends," she told him.

"Thank you…"

Gwen watched as Merlin fell asleep. When he was awake, he always seemed slightly tense. In his sleep, he looked relaxed. She wished that she could help him more. Merlin helped people without complaint, yet he himself only accepted help if he were terribly injured. And he was now. Gwen wondered why Merlin was like that.

Very little was known about Merlin's past. He had lived in a village in Esectia called Ealdor with his mother and had had a friend named Will. Gwen didn't know anything about his father. And he only said that he had left Ealdor because he didn't fit ion. Never why he hadn't fit in or anything about his childhood.

What had happened to Merlin in the past?

**Good? Bad? Horrible? **

**Please review!**


	4. Chapter 4

**_Never the Same_**

Galaya

**I know I haven't updated in a long time. I just couldn't figure out how to do this chapter.**

Arthur and the Knights rode in silence. All of them looked solemn, missing Merlin's insistent chatter.

Finally, Gwaine couldn't stand it any longer.

"It's strange not to have Merlin along. You always complain about him being annoying, Princess, but at least he lightens the mood," the roguish Knight commented.

All the others nod in agreement.

"Well, is anyone going to talk about anything?" Gwaine asked.

Everyone stayed quiet.

"Alright, well…_We're riding on in si-lence, in a sort of re-ver-ence, for our go-o-od friend…"_

Gwaine's singing continued on for some time, the others welcoming the noise but lacking conviction to join into any conversation.

When night fell, Arthur ordered them to set up camp. The King took the first watch. Gwaine stared at the stars for a while, even as the other Knights fell asleep. After about an hour, he rolled over, stood up, and strode over to Arthur.

"Thinking about what happened to Merlin?" Gwaine inquired.

"What?" Arthur glanced up. "Oh. Yeah. I'm sure he'll be fine. Up and his usual self when we get back." The King Sounded as if he was trying to convince himself.

"Merlin can handle more than you think, Arthur. I don't know everything that he's been through, but I know he's resilient. He might seem like a coward for how much he disappears during fights, but during the time I've known him, I've rarely seen him scared. He threw himself in front of the Dorocha! All the rest of us would never have been able to do that, protecting a friend or not. Merlin will live. It's not the first time he's been hurt."

"I know. It's just, that idiot has no sense of self-preservation."

"How can he? Considering he's always with us."

Five days after the departure of the Knights, Merlin began to get restless. He hadn't been allowed to do much of anything. It didn't help that he was half-blind. He now had to rely a bit more on touch and sound than he was used to. Merlin kept on surprising anyone who came to visit him, as long as they'd come to see him before. He could guess who they were just by the sound of their steps on the stairs.

A misty scar had begun to appear on his injured eye. Gaius had declared that there was a chance he could recover the use of his eye, though unlikely.

The secret warlock had pestered his guardian and Gwen until they had let him up. He had started to help Gwen with her duties, just to keep himself occupied. She had protested for a while. But when Gaius told her that it was healthier to let him do some work, otherwise he could sink into depression, she relented. Though, Merlin ended up sleeping for most of the day.

Due to his bad eye, he continuously bumped into people and objects. Gwen had begun to warn him when he was about to run into something. Everyone in the castle had now heard of Merlin's condition and would warn him if they were coming up on his blind side, though he soon got good at telling if someone was coming. He would listen to footsteps and even, as he paid more attention, could tell who was coming, if he knew them, what status they were, if they were hurt, and what direction they were going.

It wasn't that his hearing had improved; Merlin had just become better at picking out and defining sounds. It was well known now that he would likely be half-blind for the rest of his life. They tried not to say it in front of him, but Merlin was well aware of it.

Every morning he would wake up, open both eyes, but only see out of one. He would attempt to open his right eye further, but nothing happened. His right eye wasn't going to recover, he knew it. The others tried to tell him there was a chance that he'd be able to see out of it again, and he appreciated the help. But there was nothing for it. Merlin was half-blind and that was that.

And that was why Merlin seemed to have become quieter since the incident. Gwen and Gaius hoped that the Knights would be able to bring Merlin out of his melancholy.

The Knights stalked up towards the bandit's camp. At Arthur's directions, they fanned out and surrounded the camp. Arthur stood up, startling the bandits.

"We have you surrounded. Surrender your weapons and come quietly and no harm will come to any of you," he announced.

"Why?" one of them sneered. "I only see one of you."

With a flick of his wrist, Arthur signaled the Knights to rise.

The bandit smirked, "There are still only five of you and a dozen of us."

That was true. But twelve bandits still didn't stand much of a chance against four fully trained Knights ad the King of Camelot.

The battle was soon over. Afterwards, they made sure to check for _any_ injuries and that all the bandits were dead. They were all very glad that the hunt was over. They'd been gone for a week now, tracking the bandits, and it was finally time to go home.

The Knights rode for days, stopping only for food, water, and rest. All of them were anxious to see how Merlin was doing.

They arrived just shy of two weeks after their departure. Gwen came flying down the steps to greet them. She was alone, though. Merlin was nowhere to be seen.

"Where's Merlin?" Gwaine asked.

"Sleeping," answered Gwen. "He's worn himself out and it isn't even midday."

"What's the idiot done to wear himself out?" queried Arthur.

"He was getting restless, so Gaius has been letting him do some work around the castle. But do to his rib and the fact that he's still recovering from blood loss, even small things are tiring."

"Merlin is doing chores with a broken rib?"

"Gaius said it was better for him than just lying around."

"Why?"

"You should probably go ask him yourself."

The Queen was shifting uncomfortably. The Knights and king dismounted, letting various servants and guards take the horses. Both Arthur and Gwaine headed to the Court Physician's chambers. The other Knights went to go check up on recent events in Camelot.

**I know that I tend to do short chapters, but this one is over 1000 words! (1058, to be exact.)**

**Anyways… reviews?**


	5. Chapter 5

**_Never the Same_**

Galaya

**Sorry I haven't updated in such a long time. I have been completely absorbed into my original story that I've been working on since August. I finally finished the first draft a couple weeks ago! And it's over 94,000 words!**

**I also haven't been able to watch Merlin, so lost interest. Besides, the fourth and fifth seasons have gotten a bit too dark for my liking. I will not be going along with what happens in the second half of the fourth season or any of what happens in the fifth, except maybe the parts with Mordred and Daegel (did I spell it right?), except for the part where the latter dies. I have troubles writing permanent deaths. And of course I have to add in Aithusa!**

**Also, I know that Bedivere is the cup-bearer, but I couldn't remember what Arthur's servant's name was according to the legends. Otherwise, I would have used that for the new servant. Besides, it gave me something interesting to do.**

**~X~**

Gwaine and Arthur entered the Court Physician's chambers. Gaius looked up, surprised.

"Sire," he greeted. "Have you come to see Merlin?"

"Yes. Is he asleep?" Arthur answered.

"No. He woke up a few minutes ago. His ribs were bothering him. You can go in and speak with him, if you want."

They proceeded to head up into Merlin/s room. The servant was laying on his bed, eyes shut. Arthur paused uncertainly as did Gwaine.

"You don't need to just stand there," Merlin suddenly said. "If you want to talk to me, just come over here."

"Good to see you're awake," Gwaine chuckled.

"Hello, Gwaine. Is that Arthur with you?"

"Yes," the King answered. "How do you feel?"

"Alright, I guess. My rib hurts."

He opened his eyes and looked over at his friends. The mistiness over his right eye could be seen easily across the room.

"What's wrong with your eye?" Gwaine queried.

"The mistiness? That's a… scar I guess you could say. The bandit's sword cut into my eye," Merlin explained.

"Ouch. Can you see anything out of it?"

"No."

"So, you're…" began Arthur.

"Half-blind. Likely so for the rest of my life."

Suddenly, the two warriors felt very awkward. It was strange, Merlin always seemed to come out of thing unscathed. He hadn't been so lucky this time. Not only had he been hurt, the damage was almost certainly permanent.

"I'm fine," Merlin continued on. "It just is a bit of a hindrance. It's not like losing an arm or leg, where I wouldn't be able to do anything. I've been helping Gwen with her chores. Just, Arthur, next time, you really should listen. I told you it wasn't a good idea."

Arthur hung his head, feeling guilty for the pain his friend had gone through because of stubbornness on his part. Gwaine just felt sorry for Merlin, and a slight bit angry towards Arthur, despite knowing it wasn't the king's fault.

"You might have to get a new servant to help you for a while, though," the secret warlock informed Arthur. The king gave him a curios- but still guilty- look.

"Why?"

"Don't you remember? It's getting close to tournament time. How is it that I remember these kinds of things when I am the one who hates it?"

"It is your job," Arthur pointed out, as their normal banter began to rise again.

"Yours too," retorted the servant. "You're the one who organizes them."

"Fair point. How long until you'll be back at work?"

"If ever? Gaius said at least three months, to let me recover and adapt. I don't know if I'll be able to. At least, I won't be able to accompany you on patrols."

"Who said you couldn't? If you got used to it, you'd be fine."

"With how often we run into bandits and the like? And the one who said it was Common Sense, who you obviously don't know."

Arthur grinned. "Nope. Don't have a clue who would name someone 'Common Sense'."

The dark haired servant huffed in amusement, the hints of his customary grin appearing for the first time since his injury. A small chuckle escaped him. It felt so good to laugh- truly laugh, not just forcing it- that he couldn't stop. It aggravated his ribs but he wasn't one to care. He'd gone through worse pain than cracked ribs.

Arthur was glad to see his servant returning to his former joviality, even if he was concerned about the laughing causing further injury.

Merlin ceased laughing after a few moments, gasping to regain his breath. But the smile remained.. If this kept up, the servant would most certainly make a full recovery from his depression.

~X~

The next few months passed in a blur. Merlin slowly recovered from his injuries, both physical and mental. He was back to doing some of his more minor duties as Arthur's servant. One of the other servants, a young man named Bedivere, had taken over the others.

There was something odd about the other servant, Merlin decided. He'd been watching Bedivere as the other servant helped Arthur into his armor for training. Bedivere seemed almost too timid, as if he felt the need to bolt at every second.

He also tended to forget the proper way to address a noble. Arthur didn't notice this, as he was used to Merlin's impertinence, but the servant most certainly did. He'd never before seen one of the other servants, besides back when Gwen was one, forget to address a noble correctly. It intrigued the secret warlock.

The other servant seemed even more timid around Merlin. It seemed at times that he wished to tell Merlin something, but wasn't sure how, where, or when. He hoped it wasn't something bad. Or that Bedivere was an evil sorcerer in disguise, or being used by one.

Out of sheer habit, Merlin followed Arthur out the door. He misjudged the distance between himself and the doorframe and hit the wall just to the side of the door.

"Ow," he groaned holding his head. Arthur gave him an amused look.

"One would think you'd know better than to run into walls, Merlin. Didn't 'Common Sense' tell you that?"

"Oh shut up. You aren't half-blind. It's hard trying to navigate with only one eye."

"Whatever you say."

Laughing, Arthur departed for the training fields. Bedivere gave Merlin a concerned glance before biting his lip.

"What is it? You obviously want to tell me something. Out with it," Merlin prompted the new servant. "There isn't anyone around to hear."

Bedivere hesitated for another moment. "I was told to give you a message from the Lady of the Lake."

"Who?"

"She said you would know her as 'Freya'."

Merlin was stunned. While he knew that Freya had returned to give him Arthur's sword, he wasn't expecting to ever hear from her again. At least he knew that Bedivere wasn't working for an evil sorcerer. Unless Freya had spontaneously decided to become evil.

"What did she say?" he pressed, recollecting himself.

The new servant shifted nervously. "'The Light of the Sun has been blocked by a dark cloud.' I'm not quite sure what that means." Probably something magical."

"Are you a druid?"

"Me? No. I just have never had a problem with magic. The Lady saved me from drowning when I was attacked by bandits. In return, she asked if I would deliver to you that message."

"I can see why…"

~X~

**So, how'd you like my return to writing fanfiction? Although, it's annoying that I can't figure out how to make these chapters longer. I've written 6,000+ words in one chapter of my original story.**

**I honestly kept on wanting to replace 'Merlin' with 'Nigel', who's one of the characters in my story. My favorite character because he's hilarious, but has a serious and dutiful side, has a bunch of amazing abilities (though my favorite is one that I call 'Idling', which is basically sending objects into an idle state in a different realm), and has a really complex background. I can also put him through basically anything and he'll be able to take it. He'd have been joking about it the entire time if he'd gotten the same injuries as Merlin in this fic. He's also a werecat which is awesome, partially because he knows so much more than the other characters, especially when it comes to magical things. I'm rather mean to him as well. Well, enough on my original story (which is most likely the best thing I've ever written and my current greatest accomplishment. I know, I know, I'll shut up now.)**

**Also, I have absolutely no idea where in the world I'm going with this. I'm improvising. I have no real plan for this story, which is amazing since I spend more time planning than writing usually.**

**Anyways, please please please review! I love reading reviews! I like knowing what people think of my writing and stories!**


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